Alli's story
Hi. I'm Ali Fincham, and I've been a turtle for two years now. On this podcast, I'm gonna share my story, and I'm gonna break it into three chapters. Chapter one, I'll tell you a little bit about me. Chapter two, I'm gonna talk about the vicious cycle.
Speaker 1:And then chapter three, I'm gonna talk about turtle method and me. Now before doing this podcast, I had a few questions submitted on Instagram because I have no idea what to talk about. So I'm going to try and answer these and see how we do with that along the way. So let's get going. Let's tell you a little bit about me.
Speaker 1:Chapter one. I'm 51 and it's hard saying that because I don't think I've ever felt much older than I did in my 30s, but I guess my body would argue with that because it really does feel 51. I'm originally from Manchester and as the older sister of two girls, I am a very typical older sibling. Bossy, realistically confident and good at setting direction. And I'm competitive.
Speaker 1:I won't shy away from that. There's no wriggle room there. I am competitive, whether it's against other people or whether it's with myself. That's just me. My younger sister is naturally very slim.
Speaker 1:She is gorgeous inside and out. But this has always been a point of comparison for onlookers. And I'll talk a bit about this in chapter two in the vicious cycle. So I guess my competitive nature means I've always worked really hard to succeed at or achieve the things I believe are important to me. If I set my mind on doing something, I will usually achieve it.
Speaker 1:And so at 19, when I met the man who was going to become the other half of my heartbeat, my tenacity made sure that our long distance relationship endured. And that's why thirty one years later, we find ourselves enjoying life in the Midlands together. So being as competitive as I am, can imagine how someone who's used to getting the things they work hard for responds to being told they can't have children, can't you? Well, let's say it didn't go well. I was about 38, 39.
Speaker 1:And after putting our mind to it and working hard, the IVF consultation didn't go very well. In fact, they said I shouldn't have even been referred. In their words, to be eligible, I would have to lose six stone in three months and you do not need to be a mathematician to work out the odds there. Anyway, after this session, I was driving home alone, not in a good space because, well, Andy had had to meet me there. And I was broken.
Speaker 1:I felt pointless, useless, kind of unable to fulfill my destiny, all of those things. But I am married to a man who basically said that he wasn't that bothered. In fact, he started to talk about all the things we could do instead. That's when our incredible adventure started. And actually this tackles one of the questions I was asked.
Speaker 1:So I was asked how we go into cricket. So those turtles who know me well will know that I'm a bit of a cricket nut. The honest answer to that is it was on hubby's bucket list. Part of our life without children was to do the stuff we could not have done before. So we saved up.
Speaker 1:We went to Australia to watch the cricket. Then we went to the West Indies, had two fabulous weeks in The Caribbean, met a bunch of incredible people and a whole new lifestyle was unlocked. You know, you fast forward seven years and we've been around the world several times. We've been up and down The UK watching anyone play cricket with an incredible group of friends. We've had so many adventures and created memories.
Speaker 1:We would have had no chance of doing if our lives had taken another path. And as for children, well, for my fortieth birthday, he'll be finally relented to my seventeen years of asking. And we got a dog, our beloved Winnie. My substitute child, my absolute everything. And the reason we started walking in The UK, our whole lifestyle we'd never anticipated.
Speaker 1:We used to spend our weekends doing city breaks and getting absolutely wasted in the most amazing bars and pubs. So I guess to summarize this chapter, when life gives you lemons, you make the best lemonade you possibly can. And that leads me on to chapter two, the vicious cycle. It's fair to say I've always been overweight. And I say that in quotation marks because when I look back at pictures of myself as a young teenager, I wasn't fat.
Speaker 1:But in my head, always. As a child at primary school, my nickname was Blubber, And those of my era will remember the infamous Judy Blum book, after which I was named. But in reality, I was just a little bit chubby. That was the level I remained on until my teens when on and off I was on steroids for about six years due to a condition that was only finally diagnosed and resolved when I was 19 and that didn't help. But during these years, the weight crept on.
Speaker 1:The reality is I'm an emotional eater and I mean an emotional eater. So if I'm happy, I'll eat. If I'm sad, I'll eat. If I'm bored, I'll eat if I'm tired, I'll eat. If I'm stressed, I mean, you get the picture.
Speaker 1:And of course, there were always reasons for this. My genetics, you take after Nana, the underactive thyroid that was diagnosed, the steroids, because that's what we did. We looked for reasons rather than taking accountability. It was during my late teens that I had my first experience of a diet club or fat club as they're not very affectionately known. Scott's recent survey on slimming clubs really triggered this visceral response in me.
Speaker 1:You see, being the competitive person I am, I would approach every diet, every programme, every plan with my usual sheer bloody mindedness and enjoy a decent amount of success. I genuinely believed that if I was only x weight, I would be happy. I tried to work out as part of filling in the survey, how many diets or plans I've done over the years. And I'd stopped counting after about 15. I remember my mom saying she would do anything for me.
Speaker 1:So the next fad of bars or shakes or biscuits or clubs or whatever they might be was always gonna be the answer, the solution to my problems. Looking back, weight aside, I was actually pretty damn happy and I was very, very loved. So how fortunate was I? I discovered The UK's leading diet club, let's not pretend it's anything else, when I was 23 and there began a twenty five year cycle of torture and toxicity. The cycle will be very familiar to quite a lot of you.
Speaker 1:So I'd join. I'd go at it like a bull in a China shop. I'd lose some weight, and I would enjoy the recognition that came with being, obviously, as a competitive person, slimmer of the week, month, year, and so on. Then the weight would slow down or stop and I would start to lose interest. In fact, in my last cycle, I grew really frustrated not getting the support that I needed.
Speaker 1:So even though I was following the plan to the letter, nothing was moving. And eventually the response was, well, if you've done a checklist, if you've done this, if you've done that, you be lying to yourself. And that was it. So I would leave. I put the weight back on and a little bit more.
Speaker 1:In fact, if I'm truly honest and strap yourself in here, turtles, I reckon I lost at least 50 pound over twenty years. At least. I reckon it's more like 150 pound and regained all of it and a little bit more. Now if that's not toxic and if that's not damaging, I don't know what is. That's the reason why at 51, my joints in particular, my knees and my hips are, well, let's put it nicely creaky.
Speaker 1:I really struggle with things like this and that is of my own doing. But this toxic food obsessed cycle where the ambition was to eat as much as you could and still lose weight every way just led to a sense of self loathing and guilt and embarrassment and fear and humiliation got every time I walked back through that door. Paranoia, lack of self belief, all of those really toxic traits. When I eventually left the last time, I reconciled myself to being body positive before that was even a thing. So in my head, if that was who I was meant to be, I would accept that.
Speaker 1:In reality, what that meant was, I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted without consequence. Well, apart from regaining the weight. And then COVID happened. The fear I felt when the pandemic started, I can't even begin to explain it. I've only ever felt this way once before, and that was when I went into hospital for a wisdom tooth extraction.
Speaker 1:I was utterly convinced I was going to die. Lo and behold, I almost did. I ended up in ICU. It was all pretty hairy. So you can see how enveloping that fear can be to the fear.
Speaker 1:The fear was if I caught COVID, I would die. Why? Well, because my weight had crept back on again and more besides, I had type two diabetes caused by my diet and I had very mild asthma. So those are the very things the COVID virus loved to wrap itself around in order to decimate you. And I was frightened.
Speaker 1:Spent the first lockdown in the gym. We're lucky enough to have a home gym, one of hubby's incredible ideas. And I mean, I may have been a yo yo dieter for most of my adult life, but I've always enjoyed exercising, whether be dancing or going to the gym or boxing or whatever it might be on and off. I've really enjoyed that. Lockdown gave me the chance to do that daily and without any time constraints.
Speaker 1:It also minimized the impact of all the banana bread, the homemade bread, and the wine we were consuming like pretty much every other family in The UK at that stage. But over lockdown one, I lost three stone. Great. But as usual, the weight started to creep back on. And that leads me to chapter three, turtle method and me.
Speaker 1:I followed Louise since I made in Chelsea days. And one day, I saw an introductory offer, which was an introduction to macros. And that gave you access to some online training. And do you know what? I just thought, what have I got to lose?
Speaker 1:Within about ten days, I felt like someone had switched some lights on. I finally began to understand nutrition in a way I'd never understood it before. I mean, my competitive meant that obviously I went with this with every fiber of my being. And that combined with the strength training meant that I saw immediate results. So when the Christmas challenge came round in 2020, I was in, I was right in.
Speaker 1:And this was my introduction to the community. So not just macros. I've kind of stayed away because my experience of diet clubs wasn't all that great. The whole judgment, the false friendships, I didn't want that again. But what I realised so very, very quickly was that this community, despite it being entirely virtual at this stage was really different to anything I had ever experienced before.
Speaker 1:I began following people on Instagram that I was listening to. So the people that I'd seen on the Zoom calls, started to follow it and see what they were doing and take inspiration and ideas from them. And you start to feel like you're getting to know people really quickly. Chatting with people and realizing how supportive and nonjudgmental they are was a bit unsettling at first, but very quickly this group became my people. Immediately after the challenge, I signed up for yearly membership and my journey has continued ever since.
Speaker 1:You see 2021, I was turning 50 in September. And although I'd lost a lot of weight already, I wanted to lose another 50 pound before my fiftieth birthday. It felt like a massive goal, but actually I was already on my way. I understood macros and this way of approaching what I ate meant I was finally taking accountability for the decisions I was making. I had a balanced and consistent approach to my routine.
Speaker 1:So there was a variety of training and the challenges, oh my God, I loved them. So the dance challenge right up my street, striking soul, bringing it on, bringing in dance and boxing, two things I love. And whilst I didn't join the evening Zooms because that's my golden time with hubby, I listen to things on replays when I'm getting my steps in on the treadmill in the morning. So I did learn about me being so much more than just my weight. The mindset, the way of thinking, understanding myself in a way I'd never done before.
Speaker 1:Finally learning that actually weight didn't define me. And of course I did it. Of course I smashed the goal. And on the way to my fiftieth birthday weekend, having a conversation with a diabetes nurse, she was really, really shocked because she said to me, most people don't reverse this stuff. Most people don't reverse the type two diabetes.
Speaker 1:It's an ongoing battle for them. And so it was as much as a gift for her as it was for me on that day. And that was a great way to go into what was a pretty smashing birthday weekend. And then 2022 happened. This year has been the most challenging life year of my life so far.
Speaker 1:And yes, I do include the year I almost died in that. Let's start with February because February was one of my all time highs. Going to the beach in The Caribbean with buckets of confidence, walking out in a bikini, living my best life. Yes, please. Absolute high point.
Speaker 1:Honestly, if I could bottle the way I felt, I'd be drinking that medicine every single day of the week. And then less than a week after we got home, we had to make the decision to have Winnie euthanised. He'd been living with epilepsy for three years following a bout of meningitis, which he wasn't expected to recover from. And whilst we'd had three golden years, we always knew the circumstances in which we'd have to let him go. And we did.
Speaker 1:And it's not just it broke my heart, it was the most beautiful way to go. Let's face it, if I can leave this earth kissing the one person I love more than anyone else, I will leave a happy bunny. So why is this important? Well, because everything changed again. Remember, he was my substitute child.
Speaker 1:Whilst I'd prepared for this, I'd just finished the stoicism book, I haven't put any thought into life without him. One of the questions I got was how do I maintain my consistency? Well, truth is that's been the hardest thing this year. With training, it's been easy because going into the gym, exercising, continuing to go on walks. I mean, we laugh as to whether things are a winning walk or not and how much he would have loved or hated it depending on the terrain.
Speaker 1:That's been my absolute sanctuary this year. But my nutrition, remember I'm an emotional eater. This has been an emotional year. And whilst there've been some wonderful times such as my sister's wedding, where I was a super confident and happy maid of honor, the loans have been pretty damn low and crippling. So I've found myself seeking solace in food on a number of occasions and sometimes for a sustained period, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1:But, and this is really important, I'm a different person now. Before Turtle, I would have kept eating and eating and my weight would have gone back on and more besides. That familiar feeling of self loathing, self hatred, humiliation, all of that would have crept back in. But I'm a different person now. I'm a turtle and this is the difference.
Speaker 1:While some of the weights come back on, I've been able to use the app to track and understand the impact of the choices I've made. And whilst this isn't always pretty, it's honest. Being my own scientist, I've been able to make changes that have helped me focus on the little things I can do each day. And that helps me to feel like I'm still winning and get back to a size where I feel more comfortable again. The friends I've made through this community have held me up quite literally.
Speaker 1:I can't explain how much I've needed and valued them this year. Spending quality time with them at events has only strengthened those bonds. And so the journey continues. Being part of a lifestyle community that enables me to learn, grow and develop, and no one loves some bloody smashing humans is a privilege. And to answer Emma B's question, yes, we can be friends forever.
Speaker 1:That would be an absolute joy. Someone asked me what advice I'd give myself nineteen years ago. I went, oh my God, I wish I'd known about macros and taking a more balanced approach to my life then. I'd love to tell that 31 year old that one day you will walk out on a beach in Barbados in a bikini and you will smile and you will be happy and you will mean it. You will walk up hills and you'll be able to talk all the way up and glow with happiness when you get to the top.
Speaker 1:You will be unafraid of veering off track a little because you'll be equipped with the tools and the knowledge to get right back on the path you want to be on. 2023 is gonna be exciting. If this year has taught me anything, it has taught me that even when life gets pretty damn hard, I can cope. I may be practically imperfect in every way, but I try. And what motivates me now is that I take accountability for the decisions I make.
Speaker 1:Finally, and after years of excuses, lack of education and misinformation, And do you know what? I feel really positive. The future is mine to shape.
