Are We Slaves to Opinions?
Good morning, everybody. Live from Nice. I'm on a bench. It's a really good bench. One of the top five benches I've been on.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm rating benches a lot where I go, so I should have built a website, shouldn't I? Top benches to sit on when you're away. It makes you have can ponder life on these benches. But let me go straight into this podcast, and there's Lisa Mason posted in the academy group. And she said that she wants advice because she's been doing turtles since March.
Speaker 1:She's lost over a stone. She's now at a comfortable size ten and feeling really positive about the progress which is awesome. I had a name to lose weight for holiday so I could feel confident in swimwear. Since having two children, my main issue has always been my tummy, which does stick out a little. This has reduced a lot though, two c sections and in both pregnancies my tummy split and never really recovered.
Speaker 1:Anyway, today's the day I'm off and all day. I felt confident and pleased with where I'd where I'd got to and was planning to relax now and enjoy it, but after checking in the airport I was asked if I was pregnant. She said she thought by looking at me I might be, my confidence has now gone straight back down in that one sentence. How can I work on this area? Could it be down to my tummy muscles splitting and if so is it a lost cause or do I need to just do more core work?
Speaker 1:Currently doing weights about three times a week and walking, Any advice would be appreciated. Now you'll notice the first thing early, son, if you're listening. The first thing I noticed here is is that you've given someone outside of your control full power over your next actions. Right? So you instead of questioning why have I let one comment from a random person make me change everything, you've now already started to take an action based on her comment.
Speaker 1:You've already started saying, how can I work on reducing this my stomach? How can I make my stomach less poking out or whatever you're gonna say you're saying there, right? But what she's saying isn't fact. So she's she's looked at you and gone, are you pregnant? And now you've created this massive story around that it could be everything to do with that your stomach's got a problem and you you need to reduce it, but you've just said sentences before that you've lost weight, you're happy, you're confident, you feel good in yourself, right, and you've gone on holiday to relax, but you've given full power to someone else.
Speaker 1:Why do we do this? Why is someone else's opinion so impactful on us? And if that is the case, we are essentially slaves to other people's opinions and words. And I love, because I've been reading Marcus Reyes' Meditations again. You know, he says that he one of his notes to himself is that every day, you're gonna meet people who are, like, annoying, who are gonna say nasty stuff, who are who are irritating, la la la, but that's none that's not in your control.
Speaker 1:It has nothing to do with you. So the first thing is to think, what she's saying is she asked if I was pregnant. Now you've created a massive story on her, so you don't need to go and create a story on her. You don't need to go and try now do like a thousand sit ups trying, you know, what you think is to fix some problem. Now, there may be a surgical, you've had a surgical procedure, you've had kids which is amazing, you brought kids into this world, you've had c section and it's not an easy thing to go through all our stuff and your muscles, your tummy muscles, of course are not going to be the same as they were before in operation, right?
Speaker 1:So there may be physically the old stomach muscles are not going to be what they were before, right? So the fact is that might be changed. Now the other fact is there's in terms of operations and things that happen to us, lot of things like that, there's nothing we can do about it. Thousand press ups sit ups, nothing will nothing will will change. The the fact that you've had an operation, losing more belly fat will certainly help.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know, a lot of the fat around the stomach, once you reduce that, you reduce that, the stomach will shrink and go smaller and smaller. Right? So that's gonna just take some more time. But remember what you said, you were actually confident. You were you were pleat you're a size ten.
Speaker 1:You were going on holiday. You were confident and happy with the work you've done. That's the important part here. You you should have reverted back to that, not gone, and now thinking what you should do for your stomach because how would you know what she's saying is fact and true? Do know I mean?
Speaker 1:It could just be a person saying something that doesn't mean anything. And I think this is an important point, like, what I I honestly don't understand. We are so negative to ourselves. Our opinions to ourselves, we can we we don't really listen to them. Some strangers got more power over us, you know, in their mind, in our our inner citadel, as the stoics call it, than us.
Speaker 1:And we wonder why day to day where we live in torment, we live in fucking sorrow, we have sadness, we have anxiety, you know, all these things and we we because we we look at and focus on the stuff that's not in our control. Anxiety of a future event is based off other people are gonna think I'm stupid. Most of the time it's based off not wanting to look stupid for other people. That's where we get anxiety. Fear is another one.
Speaker 1:Fear, you're fearful of a situation. You're fearful of a social situation because you're putting so much emphasis on if other people will like you, you don't look stupid, lalas, you're scared to be in a social scenario. Put yourself out there. All these things are because we put so much power to other people. The thing is, saying now I said, you know what, they said go and do lose more fat.
Speaker 1:Go and do 50 sit ups, right? Go and do that. You might, it might come down a bit, right? And you go, okay, thanks for the plan Scott, appreciate it. But that hasn't fixed the problem at this root because someone else could just come in again next year even when you've lost more weight and say, oh, you look pregnant.
Speaker 1:And it could keep happening all the time over and over and over. So the root cause, the root problem needs to be addressed, not this, sit ups, it's like, the thing, do know what mean? The root hasn't been addressed yet, the root is always going to be causing problems no if you did, even if you did get surgery and you got your stomach smaller, for example I'm not saying do it, I'm saying if as an example you do that, your stomach's smaller, it'll be some other body part then, it'll be something else. It'll be your hair, it'll be this, it'll be how you said something, it'll be this and that, it'll it'll it'll never stop. So the root is we put too much power in other people's opinions of us because we are scared, we've got fear, anxiety of looking a certain way with people.
Speaker 1:And as long as that is the core of how we live, we will always have these problems. And now you've dis and if you if you would catch yourself, you start doing action based on other people's words to you. So this is classic when you see social media, the comparison. You see someone looking leaner, men will see someone looking massive, and the next action they take again is drastic. Some men will go on steroids and go on cycles of steroids.
Speaker 1:They have no idea what they're doing. Some women will go on 500 calorie diets and torture themselves for days based off the power that other people have over us. If you sit with facts, if you sit with the fact and don't try and move away from it, I think it can help you a lot here. Like, I, you know, you say to yourself, I've done, I'm a size ten. I've done the hard work.
Speaker 1:I feel confident in myself. Done. There's no need for you to let other people's opinion guarantee. Right? And, there's nothing nobody can do here.
Speaker 1:It's all down to you. It's all down to you in this regard. I think as long as we're always thinking we've got to be different, so means living in the past or future. Because obviously, if you were if we were content with ourselves, we would say, I've done the hard work. This is who I am right now.
Speaker 1:That's me. I will live. But what we do is we go, this is me. I'm not happy with what what I wanna I wanna be an x. I wanna be y, which means you gotta then time comes into play, psychological time.
Speaker 1:Then you have to then you're thinking, well, I'm not gonna be happy until I achieve this, until I be more, be more, be more, achieve more, do this and that. It never stops. Never ever stops. And on my weekend, it needs to be busy speaking to, like, some kind of, like basically, just networking with these investors and stuff like that. There was one girl on our table when we were having drinks, and she was saying that she's seeing her boyfriend tomorrow, which should have been the next day, and she's anxious and nervous and feels like he's cheating on it.
Speaker 1:I was like, what proof do you have that he's cheating on you? He goes, oh, no. There's no proof he's cheating on me. I was like, right. And she was like, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I, you know, I I like him so much. I was like, okay. So this insecurity isn't coming from any of his actions. It's coming from the fact that you really, really like this guy and you don't want it to you don't want to not work out. You want it to be the one.
Speaker 1:You want to marry him. This is the person and you're you're putting so much pressure on it not working that your mind is going crazy and making up these insecurities that he could be cheating because you really don't wanna lose him. So you're always fearful of the next The most fear you're always fearful of the the worst thing that can happen. So the worst thing that can happen is that she's got cheated on because she wants him so much. I was like, no matter who that person is, they're never gonna be like, he can tell you all the words in the world.
Speaker 1:It's never gonna fix the root problem. The root problem is that you have got a fear of losing this man. You've got a fear of losing this man, and in that fear, it is distorting your mind. It's causing you to think things, worst case scenarios. And as long as you feel that way, you're gonna be you're gonna be acting irrationally.
Speaker 1:You're gonna be acting out of fear, which is the worst action. And he he can't do anything about it. I mean, can say some nice words, of course, and he can help you temporarily, but it'll still go back to the root that you you're so scared of losing something you really want. You're so attached to it that in that fear, disturbing the behavior. And it's the same reason in regards to that power you said.
Speaker 1:It's like the root has to be addressed here. If you're not addressing the root, pointless. It's gonna be another problem, day. Keep going, going, going. So that's all I wanted to say really.
Speaker 1:Why you why don't we just accept ourselves? Right? I am the fear. I am fear. As in like, instead of saying I feel fear, there's there's a separation in the mind.
Speaker 1:You know, we we can just own these facts that I am fear or like I am anxiety. I am the anxiety. Not I feel anxious. So then there's this if there's a separation as the me and then there's the anxiety. So there's we're we're basically saying that I don't wanna I I there's there's a separation in the mind.
Speaker 1:But if you just accepted the facts, I'm anxious. Done. I am the anxiety. Do you understand? So like in a moment where you feel oh my god there's some kind of instant fear or anxiety because someone's coming your boss is walking towards you, right, and the first thing you do is oh my god I'm feeling anxious, I wanna be anxious, I'm feeling anxious, you separate instantly, so there's the anxiety and then there's you that doesn't wanna be anxious and then all you're trying to do then is get away from the anxiety, so you're split in the mind, this division is causing the anxiety to live on and on because you're accepting the fact, you want to run away from the fact to be non anxious, but the fact is you are anxious, you are the anxiety, anxiety is you in that moment.
Speaker 1:Done. Full stop. And then what happens when you sit to that? It goes. Disappears.
Speaker 1:Melts away. It's for the same It's it's it's it's kind of like the more time we give to think about something, the worse it gets because time is fear. Fear and time are linked. There is no fear in no time. In the moment, in a moment, there is no fear.
Speaker 1:Fear is of time. I'm thinking about something coming up or before and it's causing me fear. Same with anxiety. Anxiety is caused by thinking about things all the time. It's the time that causes the anxiety.
Speaker 1:So in the moment, wanna just act and just you okay. That's me. I'm I am the fear. On. I am anxious.
Speaker 1:And there's then you it's it's magic. Like, I was doing it in going to the sea. Like, I'm I'm not, like, a strong swimmer at all. And I was, like, on my own in Nice on a beach. I was, I can think about the swimming or, like, I can think about that I don't wanna be scared of swimming.
Speaker 1:I can think about the fear in my mind of me not wanting to be fear of water, but then there is the water. But then I was, like, but that is me. The fear, me, water is a fact. But you're not gonna I'm not gonna fucking I'm not gonna be able to do anything about it if I just keep thinking about it. So I just walked in the sea.
Speaker 1:I am the fear. The fear is me. Do know I mean? There's no division in the mind. There's not me that doesn't wanna be the fearful of the water and then the the one that is fearful of the water.
Speaker 1:I am the the fear of the water is me. Does this make sense? And in that, it's fine. There's no looking fight in it. There's no trying to be different from it.
Speaker 1:It's me, and I get in, and not not to turn into time, thought thing, and then it goes. Obviously, there's legitimate fear for me because it is a legitimate danger, but danger fear is slightly different. But, you know, there was no anxiety or worry in the sea. You know, it got to the level I was comfortable with, and that was that. There was nothing more to it.
Speaker 1:And that was one of the best moments I've had in terms of the water because usually I'm overthinking it all the time. And I'm like, oh, I don't know. Yeah. Don't know. So hopefully that I don't even know if this helps.
Speaker 1:Like, this is just some insights I've been having recently. Always trying to we're always trying to move away from who we are. We don't accept who we are, and that causes all our problems. If you think about that, just think about it for a sec. That is the cause of all our problems.
Speaker 1:We are always striving to be more different, better. We never are who we are now. And because of that, of that, that causes all our problems. So Lisa, you've done all the hard work, don't let someone's opinion make you change drastically your action or your path, your trajectory, all that stuff or your moment. You are who you are.
Speaker 1:Those surgeries and scars you've had are part of you. You've brought life into this world. That is you, the story of you. There's nothing you can do about the scarring, there's nothing you can do about the muscles ripping, maybe there is some kind of operation, but right now, nothing. But you've done all the work you can do within your control, which is looking after your nutrition and training.
Speaker 1:You've done all the stuff that is in your control, and that's it. You should base your confidence off that. Knocked off other people's opinions, because if you if other people's opinions are what drive you, you're you're you're you're stuck. You're in for hell. All of us are in for hell if that's how we live, and we shouldn't live our way.
Speaker 1:We shouldn't live in fear. Fear is a horrible thing. Right? Fear living in fear. Always striving for more.
Speaker 1:So guys, who you are right now, that's you. Accept it. Are you feeling anxious right now? Like, that's I'm anxious. Why run away why are why are we running away from facts about ourselves?
Speaker 1:Stop running away for once. Don't run away today. Just sit with everything today. I'll see how see how it makes a diff makes a difference to your day. But hopefully, you can hear this voice note because there's about a thousand planes coming by.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, enjoy yourselves. I'll speak to you all soon.
