Are you sacrificing your life?
Hello. Hello. Hello. Good morning. So book club recap because it was a great conversation.
Speaker 1:So we speak we're reading about Cullen Tamed by Glennon Doyle. And one of the topics came up about the fact that she was saying that because she was a mother of three kids, she felt like she had to sacrifice her own life for the sake of the family. So her happiness goals disappeared to be a mother. She was saying that she was worrying that if she left her husband then it would be bad for the kids so she didn't do it for years. Basically she was depressed basically essentially from it and it wasn't right until she found her partner.
Speaker 1:So she found another woman and then she eventually left her husband to get with her and you know that kind of freed her essentially. And we had a discussion about how many of the people on the book club felt like they've done the same. Some people got kids and they feel like it is like a motherly thing that you do want to sacrifice things for your kids, you do want to be out there. But then we spoke about like the society's pressures on both women and men. So from the women's side of thing, it's like the woman has to do all the jobs.
Speaker 1:The woman has to do the, you know, the admin, school admin, the cleaning up all the stuff. It's just men just think automatically that's their job essentially and that's what they got to do. But then on the other side is saying well men feel the pressure to have to give to provide for the family and if they don't provide financially they feel useless and worthless. I think that's a lot of, I think there's a quote I can't remember who said it but it was like, women are loved for who they are, dogs are loved for who they are, men are loved for what they can provide and there's a truth to that. So when we look at this multifaceted problem where you have a husband and wife who've just had a kid and they've both got careers, the reality is if the husband doesn't keep going with his job and doesn't provide financially, we spoke in a group openly, that person becomes less desirable for the other partner.
Speaker 1:That's just the truth. Like, women want men who are successful, who are providing, who have got ambition and stuff like that. It's kinda like it's no one admits this. No one admits it because it's kind of like Charlotte to be like, yeah. Want a successful man.
Speaker 1:But it's what he brings. It's the security he brings that you want someone of that caliber. Yet at the same time when we talk about equal share of responsibilities then a successful man will also have to sacrifice his ultimate success in financial terms and become less successful basically and defining successfully as the old phrase like to make more money. But then if that happens does someone become less desirable because they're less successful and that's what some of author looked into. I think he spoke about his friend was working really successful became a stay home dad over time because he was a stay home dad and the mother was working she didn't find him desirable anymore and you know fell for someone in her profession that was like a top dog.
Speaker 1:And even someone on the book club said that her friend was with a guy and then kind of he was you know really did really, really well but then she fell for someone who was doing more, who was more successful. And then she said about another story about a friend, was with a rugby player and in his peak, in his prime playing rugby, very desirable because every other girl wants him. But as soon as that career comes to an end, nobody and he's not a professional rugby player anymore. The desire from other people drops and the same desire for that person drops and then you don't want to be with them. So before we even start thinking about let's share responsibilities, we actually got to be open about how we desire other people and what really is the ultimate way we desire.
Speaker 1:Because if we are gonna ignore the fact that the main driver for people being attracted to certain men is that they are successful and can bring security then when it comes to roles then the automatic role in that scenario is the man will keep providing and the woman will look after kids. Because then if it does switch then the man becomes less desirable for the woman and it breaks down. Do know I'm saying? So we talk about this. Really the answer is that it needs to be talked about more.
Speaker 1:As a guy there's a lot of pressure. Men under the age of 40 biggest killer is suicide. If a man can feel like they're making money, making strides in career, they feel useless and worthless that's the reality of it. And when the world is becoming more, it's becoming tougher, there's more you know, there's more competition with jobs, there's more pressure because of social media and people you know all sorts of pressures on everybody both men and women but for men, they feel like they got to be super successful person or they're worthless and never attractive. And when the women reinforce that like worry that you have to be super successful, handsome, six foot, stunned over bloke who's got everything going.
Speaker 1:How do you think a guy feels when he hasn't got even one of that? So when it comes to these questions, when she's talking about sacrifice, I think understanding the desire means that we have to be careful with what we sacrifice in the balance. My opinion is like if the guy, if a woman is with a guy because he is successful but then wants him to share responsibilities and bring down his hours worked and he becomes less involved in his business or work, that's eventually going to fizzle out according to the laws of desire basically. So I don't know what any of you think about this. I think it's a, I'd love to see a society where one, the most champion job in the world is being a parent.
Speaker 1:So if you're raising a kid that's the number one most important job in the world because if we can all raise kids in the best manner possible society would be a better place. End of. Plato spoke about this in Plato's Republic two thousand five hundred years ago. They spoke about how do we have the ultimate community. They were talking about having guardians and these guardians were basically the best of the best of the humans would raise kids.
Speaker 1:So you wouldn't have your biological parent raise you, you would essentially be raised by the guardians who are these pinnacle of humans, the top, top parents you could get and they would raise these kids in the best way possible and the kids would be the best kids possible. And there's some truth to that but we don't have to put people through a small group of guardians. We can all try and champion the fact that being a parent is the best and most important job and help people as much as possible with that job. So a father needs to take on more responsibility to help with the upbringing of a kid. Like if the wife wants to go or the woman wants to go and do more in a career then it's got to be compromises on both sides not like a thing that's not spoken about.
Speaker 1:I think that's the thing nobody really speaks about it. Do know I mean? No one speaks about it but no one speaks about the dark reality of the human desire that has to be addressed. Like I've mentioned earlier, that has to be addressed. But it's an interesting book club.
Speaker 1:Think something to about is, what are you are you doing what you want to do? And I think I read something about this as well like if there's something like a call and you've got, you feel like you're calling to be a writer to do that job to start that business as a call and be think I can't do it because I have to sacrifice time with my kids and my kids come first. What's gonna happen in that regard when you get older and you get a 60, 70 is gonna eat away at you. It's gonna eat away at you in the last minutes on this earth. And I think there has to be the safety of you being able to go and do what you've always wanted to do.
Speaker 1:You're calling if this coming to you, you've got to do this or that, just do it. Okay. You have to put yourself first in some scenarios. Jim Rohn said he would tell his wife, I look after me for you, you look after you for me. And there's a truth to that.
Speaker 1:If we all look after each other and do what fulfills us, we can become the best person we can be and if we are the best person we can be, guess what we're the best person for our kids and our partners and we're all still desiring each other, we're still attracted, we still want to raise kids, we're still in a healthy mindset. But when there's a huge imbalance and you're sacrificing everything for your kids, that's not going to be something long term that people can handle. So that's where the discussion with a partner comes in, this is what I want to do. It means I can't look after the kids five days a week. Can only do three or two.
Speaker 1:And if I don't, I feel like if I don't do this, I'm gonna miss out on my life. You have to go for that goal. You have to go for it. Because you regret not going for it. I don't know, doesn't have to be kids, could be anything like you don't want to sacrifice because you want to move away from home and leave your grandparents behind because you want to see them every weekend because they're getting older.
Speaker 1:That's a common thing. Or your parents you don't want to move away because you're worried your parents, might say it might happen you're not going to be there. So you're kind of like not living fully because of the people. And if you do that you're gonna regret. And now regret is the worst thing to happen and later years will eat away.
Speaker 1:So have a think about this like have a think about over the weekend like are you giving your life away to someone else as a sacrifice because you think that's your role and you wanna disturb the dynamics of something and really think about what that would mean down the line? And I think the bet honestly, the best thing that we spoke about some of the stoicism q and A's, best, know, honesty is the best policies. That is such an old saying for a reason, it's passed down through generations because it's such a good important saying. If you can just be honest with people up front, I know it sounds mental how simple it is. But the amount of people that don't these days sit down and just be open and honest with their partners, friends or family is mind blowing.
Speaker 1:It's all built up and I can't say yeah. One of our members you know, had to tell her family she didn't want to work with them, a family business anymore, took ages, courage, years to build up to tell them this thing. They couldn't do it because they didn't want to break their heart or whatever but all honesty is the best policy, It wasn't as big of an issue or in the head that it came up to be and that she did that and she's much better for it. Right? And we have to take these decisions seriously.
Speaker 1:These are the big move, big decisions in our lives. These are big moves, big needle movers when it comes to happiness 100%. So have a think guys, have a think and have a think about why you desire what you do right now as well. So write down what your desires are. You want to be an entrepreneur or you want to be a teacher or you want to be an author.
Speaker 1:You want to have, you want to live in Guildford with three kids in a manor house like write down all desires and actually work out where those desires come from. Are they your desires or is it because someone else is desiring and now you want to? Because this is a classic in relationships. Yeah? Someone doesn't want someone.
Speaker 1:So you're talking to a girl or you're talking to a guy and you're not too sure on him. Next thing you know, you know someone but you're not too keen on but she's pretty. She now desires him, you know she's texting him. You're not gonna desire that person more. Not because you want them more but because now someone else desires them, you desire them.
Speaker 1:It's the same with jobs, it's the same with clothing, it's the same with holidays, it's the same with materialistic stuff. Like it's the same with a lifestyle you want. Like workout is a you the one say or is it a desire you've just kind of hijacked from someone else? So these are deep big questions guys. This voice mail has nothing to do with Altavut.
Speaker 1:That's been arguably, well definitely something more important. It's just because you know we've seen members, we spoke about this stuff with members since the start, since we did Octagon when we started doing mindset stuff like this stuff came up nearly instantly. Like big life decisions and who are you doing it for? And will you have the courage to take the leap and do what you've always wanted to do? And I do think that it's worth the weekend to ponder.
Speaker 1:And if you don't want to spend a weekend thinking about stuff then I don't what to say. These are the most important decisions you make. So have a think this weekend and if you do have a breakthrough or any questions let me know because I'd love to talk to people about it and have examples. But have a think and, enjoy your weekend. Obviously, Friday to nail the first as always, so pull back.
Speaker 1:Forget about Saturday for now. What are we gonna do today? What's your one big thing? Hit your macros. Sweat, shred, and lift is back on with Janine today, which is, one of the best workouts.
Speaker 1:People love it. So if you wanna get a really hardcore workout in before the weekend, I would suggest doing that. Yoga is off on Saturday. If anybody is thinking it's off, of thinking of doing it, it's off. And, mental health is on Sunday and I'll be back on Monday with another voice note.
Speaker 1:So guys, thanks for tuning in. I've not got an intro or an intro anymore. Let me know if you prefer having a little jingle on the intro or if you just want me to get straight into it. But adios, pineth no star, taboo.
